Justice
by astolat
"Um," Tony said. Steve looked helpless. Natalie looked like she was trying hard not to laugh.
"How was I to know?" Thor demanded. "Surely a 'Justice of the Peace' is meant to sentence evildoers! And why did he not say otherwise, if it was not so?"
"You went to a booth in the middle of Pride the day after the legalization," Tony said. "The guy was probably high as a kite. Didn't you notice people around you looked a little strange?"
"No," Thor said.
Tony looked at Thor, in full gold-and-silver armor, red cape, winged helmet, and over at Loki, who was amusing himself by bringing the takeout utensils scattered over the table to life and making them fight. "Fair enough. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to get you an annulment."
"How can such a marriage be legal?" Thor said. "Loki is my brother!"
"Unfortunately, I do believe Odin neglected to arrange any paperwork when he abducted me from Jotunheim," Loki said, while the forks started building a barricade out of the poker chips. "So by law—"
"Then how do we dissolve this farce?" Thor demanded.
"There's always no-fault divorce," Tony said.
"Alas, that does require the consent of both parties," Loki said, and they all turned to stare at him. Loki blinked back at them.
"You—but—what—" Thor said.
Loki smiled. "Well," he said gently, "a valid marriage elsewhere is legal under Asgardian law."
Thor glared at him. "Then we will end it under Asgardian law!"
"Yes?" Loki said encouragingly. "Go ahead?"
Thor opened his mouth and then stopped short with an appalled expression. Loki gave a theatrical sigh of disappointment.
"How do you divorce under Asgardian law?" Natalie asked interestedly.
"Declare the marriage dissolved before witnesses," Loki said. "Of course, in such circumstances, if the unwilling party is not at fault, they are entitled to dowry and bride price, as well as half the estate."
"Dowry?" Tony said. "Did something change hands in the process?"
"I put Mjolnir on the table before the Justice as we signed the papers," Thor said hollowly. Loki beamed.
"Okay, don't panic," Natalie said to Thor. "What would make him at fault?"
Thor brightened. "Refusing to consummate the marriage!"
"Whenever you like," Loki said. "Dear brother."
Thor looked even more appalled. Then his eyes narrowed. "Oh, indeed," he said, and caught Loki by the arm and hauled him up from the table. "Tell me when you have changed your mind. Brother." He pulled Loki in and kissed him.
"So this weekly team bonding ritual idea of yours," Tony said to Steve, who had covered his face, "I think it's going to need some work."
"I'm okay with it," Natalie said. She had her chin resting on her clasped hands.
"Mmpmph," Thor said. "Mmmrph! Mmr— mrmmmmrgh..." Tony carefully didn't look to see where Loki's hands were.
Loki broke off the kiss, eyes heavy-lidded. Thor stood there staring at him dazed. "Well?" Loki said, his voice dropped about an octave. "Do I take Mjolnir, or do I take you?"
Thor gulped visibly and didn't say anything. Loki smiled, his eyes glittering. "Well. This will be even more entertaining than I'd hoped. Come, brother. There's a bedchamber on the second floor."
Thor avoided all their eyes while Loki towed him out of the room. "How does he know there's a bedroom upstairs?" Natalie said after a moment.
"That's what you're taking away from what just happened here?" Tony said. "That Loki knows the layout of our headquarters?"
Natalie shrugged. "The rest all seemed pretty self-explanatory. Ready for the next hand?"
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